Love Hate Relationship

I no longer have free access to Sabah dailies as I walk into the office, or my copy of the New Straits Times to take home at the end of the day. Its been 7 months and 2 days since I left the paper (including the 6 months unpaid leave to 'cool off'), but I still have this desire to catch up on the news.

I try to grab local dailies in the morning at the Likas shops (note to self: subscribe!). And I read the national papers online, and I also subscribe to Malaysiakini and read other online portals. Facebook too is a good place to catch up on news. But its sad that a lot of it is news of differences between Malaysians - political differences, racial differences, religious differences and the worst of them all -- open and blatant bigotry. Which leads me to the title of this posting.

I have had this love-hate relationship with this country for a while now. I am not sure where this relationship is heading, but I can say with confidence what I feel pretty much comes from what I read and what I hear on TV. As I mingle with friends, and read status updates on FB, I know the situation is not bad. But the news is always sensational -- it feels like everyone is going to start fighting tomorrow and the nation is going to crumble. You cant blame me for saying this. Just 15 minutes ago, I read a news portal analysis warning that we will soon become Zimbabwe in every sense of the word except for name. I have not been to Zimbabwe, but I do believe its far fetched to come up with such a prophecy. I still believe most Malaysians are fantastic people. Just look at how we handled the Allah issue in January. I bet there were bigots out there waiting for blood -- but you and I didn't bow to them. You and I decided we should not let them win.

Whenever I feel like running away to pick apples in New Zealand, I try to remind myself on how great it is to be a Malaysian woman. I went to school, I got into a public university and managed to secure my first choice course and uni, had a successful career as a reporter for 13 years, and am freelancing on media projects now. I have my own home, drive my own car, and not everyone will agree with me, but I feel pretty safe on my own. I have had opportunities to excel in my career, with offers for promotions, but I turned them down at my own will. I do not support race based opportunities, but guess what, it has made me a stronger person. I had to do extra well at school, at uni, and later at work. Maybe I should thank Malaysia for its policies -- I am who I am today because of a combination of its forward looking and backward policies.

I don't think I am making any sense anymore so I will end this post -- by the way, I love Malaysia more than I hate it :)