Storm in My Head

Dear Friends,

I haven't been in the mood to do much lately. Been feeling sleepy for no reason, even lethargic despite my best efforts to take it easy, eat well and down some vitamins and supplements. Maybe its the weather, or maybe its just me.

I've got this storm raging in my head. So many things to think about. I was counting on something, but it suddenly looks like it might not happen. Will have to look at other options. No idea how sad I am right now.

Then I bought a sofa, with which I have this love-hate relationship. It doesnt look all that great after all. Its not as comfy as the one I "sent away" yesterday. Maybe I was just too attached to my first sofa, the one I had for 9 long years. The one that now lives in a wooden home by the river 100km away. The sofa dilemma made me wonder -- will things always go bad for me? Have I been a bad person? I dont think so. So why me? Then my rock told me, hey, it could be worse ok. God is just throwing you tiny challenges. So don't feel like the universe is against you.

Will try to lift myself out of this dark mood... I promise.

I Know What You Did Last Raya

Dear Friends,

Selamat Hari Raya 2009 to you. Maaf, Zahir dan Batin.

Its the second day of Raya, and I am sitting here at home, on a cloudy afternoon, wondering what has happened to the Raya I used to love. The Raya in my school days, and in the early part of my working life as a young adult. The Raya that saw me and my closest friends hopping from one home to another to celebrate together. Like a "storm," we gathered strength by picking up friends at different locations after celebrating at their homes. It didn't matter that we had to take the bus (in my school years) and walk under the blazing sun. It was super-fun. I loved pineapple tarts that my friends served me. Most were home- baked cookies back then. I also remember how my friends used to cover their walls with cards they received, including from me. Today, we send SMS and Internet greetings. I admit, I was only able to send one card this year, and even that was by hand. No more lining up at the post office to buy stamps.

Now, we have grown up. Everyone has their own lives to live. Everyone has their own commitments. And there is just way too much to watch on TV, and there's the Internet taking up a chunk of our time. The excitement is gone. Well, at least for me. I pray it hasn't for you.

Please bring my lost Raya back to me ...

Malaysia Day

Today, 16th September 2009, marks the 46th anniversary of the formation of Malaysia. Back in 1963, Sabah, Sarawak, Malaya and Singapore decided to become one. Singapore, left a couple of years later.

It is a public holiday in Sabah, and most table calendars will tell you its the day the state officially marks the birthday of our Head of State. Some calendars, like my Lat inspired one courtesy of the New Straits Times, mentions that it is also Malaysia Day. I feel sad today is not a national holiday, so that ALL Malaysians can celebrate it. And I must admit, I only found out today that it is not a public holiday in Sarawak. All these years I thought it was a public holiday in both states.

It was very interesting to see the comments on my Facebook page when I wished everyone a Happy Malaysia Day and pointed out it is the day we formed Malaysia, and not the day we "joined" Malaysia as many believe. Some agreed with me, some couldn't understand. Can't blame those who don't understand. Our history was wrongly written. Our text books, or at least when I was in school, made very vague mention of Sabah and Sarawak, and who our leaders were when we gained independence from the British. I knew more of freedom fighters in Malaya, and we were always assured that no one will ask a question on Sabah and Sarawak in the SPM exams.

The Sabah edition of today's The Borneo Post has interesting takes on Malaysia Day, quoting Upko president Tan Sri Bernard Dompok, and long time renegade politician Dr Jeffrey Kitingan. Read the story by Sandra Sokial and Mariah Doksil if you have time. Its called "We're only 46 Today." I could not find the online link. Mariah also has an interesting take in her blog. Check it out at http://ladymariah.wordpress.com/

I must also recommend an editorial by Universiti Malaysia Sarawak senior lecturer Dr Jeniri Amir which was published in today's Berita Harian under the title "16 September asas penyatuan Malaysia." (http://www.bharian.com.my/). Let me quote his second last paragraph:

"Sesungguhnya, ketika kita meraikan hari kemerdekaan setiap tahun, kita tidak harus lupa pada 16 September. Tarikh ini tidak harus hanya dikaitkan dengan kegagalan pemimpin pembangkang untuk mengambil alih kerajaan pada tahun lalu."

I personally feel it will be a long, long time before everyone will come to accept that we should do away with 31st August and celebrate on 16th September.

Face of Sabah's Hardcore Poverty

Fact: 52 years after Malaysia's independence, and 46 years after Sabah helped form Malaysia, we have people who are living without electricity and clean water. Here is a short story about Nanang Mohamad, 24, who has three daughters aged 8, 6 and 15 months. Nanang of Kg Pegason, Pitas, in northern Sabah, dropped out of school in Form 3 to get married. She lives in a home no bigger than my bedroom with her girls and husband.

Nanang who is from the Orang Sungai indigenous group, walks more than 30 minutes to collect clean water. Hubby is a subsistence fisherman, catching only enough for the family to eat. But what struck me about my 10-minute visit to Nanang's home was that she didn't complain. She was okay that her life has turned out this way. Its true, you don't miss what you don't have.

Fact: The Sabah Government revealed that as of February 2009, there are 16,000 hardcore poor families in the State.

Fact: A report published in late 2007 by the United Nations Development Programme and the Malaysian Economic Planning Unit states that 41.61 per cent of children in Sabah are living in poverty. Think about it. Thats almost half of all children in this state, once so rich in natural resources. One that is still rich in oil and gas today. This is why I am not too fond of the Petronas twin towers in Kuala Lumpur.

Nanang and baby Marta. Her home is built of straw, pieces of wood and zink sheets. Its steaming hot during the day, its cold at night. And the family gets wet when it rains cause they have holes in their roof and walls.

Nanang and her baby Marta.

Nanang's home from a different angle.



Nanang's home is so small, I could not even take this photo properly.


Nanang's kitchen is an extension of her home. Its neat and clean and she uses firewood to cook. I told her I love her kitchen, and that made her day.

A clearer view of Nanang's kitchen.

Nanang's home.

How I Became Stupid

I was in KL about 2 weeks ago for an overnight trip, and I borrowed a book called "How I Became Stupid" from my friend Sharon. It was originally written in French by Martin Page and called "Comment Je Suis Devenu Stupide."

I was hooked from Page 1. It is a story about a scholar, Antoine, who wants to get rid of his intelligence. He speaks about how difficult it is to be smart, because you simply start thinking non-stop. You start worrying about the food you eat, the way you live your life (environmental enough or not), etc. You get the picture. The author asks if ignorance is indeed, bliss. Antoine tries everything, including becoming an alcoholic, but fails after he faints from drinking half a glass of beer. Then he tries to kill himself, and fails again. He does all sorts of things. I don't really understand the ending of the book, but I guess it was written the way it was so that you can interpret it yourself. I think he went bananas.